2 Million Dollar Bills

I had the misfortune of experiencing the unbelievable poor customer service provided by that mighty Swedish giant that is called IKEA. The service provided by IKEA is reminiscent of too many companies in the UK nowadays, as soon as they have got your money they don’t really give a dam.

I have nothing against the sales assistants who do a great job for poor pay or the products that are sold in IKEA, they have some nice designs and they are reasonable cheap. But the other side of the coin, is that you get what you pay for, I have bought numerous items from IKEA in the past, which have basically not lasted very long.

I went into the vast IKEA store in Wembley last Wednesday, with the intention of buying a bed and mattress, not the most difficult task in the world. In fact you would think it would be pretty straight forward, not if you shop in IKEA.

It took a bit of time to eventually find a bed that I liked, which was in stock, I was looking for a metal framed bed, they had about 6 or 7 different styles to chose from. I eventually found one that was in stock, I think it was on the fifth attempt, that they finally had a metal framed bed in stock. Yes it was in stock, there was plenty of them, it wouldn’t be a problem getting this bed frame I was told by the professional IKEA sales assistant!

Next it was time to pay for the goods, this is the part which IKEA managed to do very, very efficiently! They never seem to make any mistakes with this part of their quality service. I then went to the distribution section and arranged for the bed to be delivered to my storage place on Sunday, which gave me plenty of time to have it with me before the container arrived on Tuesday, only £25. A bargain if they deliver everything you order, not so good if they mess up!

As they promised IKEA,s distribution team called on Sunday morning and gave me a time slot, between 12 and 4, no complaints so far. The polish delivery drivers turned up, about 12.30pm, brilliant I thought I wont have to hang around here all afternoon.

There were 3 boxes, which were meant to be delivered, mattress, sides and the head and foot. But the Polish delivery guys only give me too parts, no sign of the head and foot, they tell me that’s all that was meant to be delivered. No point in discussing the matter with them, I’m unfortunately not fluent in Polish, it seems like half the population of London is Polish. In fact it seems like back home in Aberdeen, there is thousands of polish living there. Is there anybody left in Poland?

Everyone and every company in the world makes a mistake, no big deal, it wasn’t the end of my world! I phoned up the distribution office, the girl then proceeded to tell me it was out of stock. I asked her why and how that could be possible, when there were loads of them in stock when I ordered it, and why hadn’t they made me aware of this when they phoned to give me the delivery time. I never received an answer, which made any sense or I could understand. The Polish deliver driver made more sense than her!

I then phoned customer service and got a helpful person, that told me that there was actually 12 in stock in Wembley, he said he would get someone to call me back and they would sort it out. You guessed it, my phone stayed strangely silent and it was coming to IKEA’s closing time. Another phone call was made and they promised to call back Monday. I made 5 phone calls on Monday , and its the same story, no response and no help from IKEA. I wonder if they know what good customer service is, I think I have proved the answer to this.

I decided to keep the mattress, and returned the all the other parts of the bed. There is no point in returning things without making a stink. The Indian returns girl was reluctant to get someone higher up the food chain to come and deal with my compliant. It wasn’t until I said I aint going to anywhere until I speak to her superior, maybe her English wasn’t too good either! You would have thought I was trying to have afternoon tea and cakes with the Queen, the way she was acting over my request.

Eventually after a bit of a delay, a supervisor turned up, she was only wearing a polo shirt, I was thinking to myself, I should try and push for someone more superior, maybe someone wearing a shirt or blouse! I then remembered it was Poker Tuesday, I couldn’t afford to waste my life dealing with the incompetence of IKEA.

After a long hard fight, she agreed, to give me back my £25 delivery fee, and obviously refund the money for the items. But what about compensation for all the lost time and hassle caused by IKEA. I then enquired about the loss of wages from working? She said ok we will compensate you for that, a days wages, I was rubbing my hands with happiness. Until she told me it would be £15. I said wow remind me never to work in IKEA if I fall on hard times and the 2 million dollar bills dream doesn’t work out the way I plan.

I eventually accepted there amazing offer of one days IKEA wages as compensation! It turned out that the bed had been withdrawn from sale, it seems to be a metal bed problem in IKEA. Obviously if they had done there job properly it wouldn’t have been in their system available for the public to buy, and I could have made do with a wooden bed. But because of the inefficiency and second rate customer service provided by IKEA, I had to suffer. I was now getting tired, had they not heard of my infamous Tuesday night online poker sessions, I needed to get myself ready for the game, do Phil Ivey, Phil Helmouth or the Devilfish have to put up with this sort of rubbish before a tournament!

I don’t hold a grudge so I went back into IKEA to see if there was anything I could spend my huge amount of compensation money on, which IKEA had so kindly given me, I should say the wife made me go back into IKEA!

After the hassle of today I could have done with a lager tour of the world, 10 Fantastic Bottled Lagers to Drink, When the Sun is shining and the World Aint Such a Bad Place!